Flirting

My original, instinctive move when high school me liked a girl? Talking to them or even making eye contact was much too frightening. Instead, I would hang around in their general vicinity with one of my male friends. Ignoring her completely, I would talk and laugh with my male buddy, stealing an occasional glance her way to make sure she was seeing how fun, cute, and affable I was. I’m not sure what I expected to happen, but nothing fruitful ever came of this tactic. The object of my affection was never so wowed by my distant energy that she came and talked to me (in which case I would have melted into jelly anyway). There was no backchanneling (as far as I know) where she asked her friends who that cute fellow was and they hatched a plan to talk to me later or ask me out.

Then again, this is kind of how I met my wife years later. I didn’t have friends around, but I was intently reading my book on a park bench (still far too occupied to take notice of her or talk to her, she had to come up to me). I definitely noticed her the moment she entered the park with her friends wearing a longish green summer dress. She kind of played it cool and talked amongst her friends as we stole glances at each other. Suddenly, she was walking up to me. I forgot to mention that she was walking a friend’s terrier on a leash, so the pup approached me first. Dogs innately trust me, they can tell I’m a friend of the pooch. I think this boded well for me at the time. We chatted about my book and the nice spring weather. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and offered her one. She didn’t (doesn’t, never did, never will) smoke and gently declined. Oops, that could have ended it for some people. Instead she invited me to her porch to drink Sangria and I replied hastily that I was busy with work that evening, a Sunday (Untrue! I was actually a recovered alcoholic and had no idea how to confess that to someone I’d just met). She shrugged off my mini-rejection, we chatted a bit more and then she started to leave. It felt like a missed connection. After briefly conferring with her friend, she ran back and handed me her business card for the local catering company she worked at. We hugged awkwardly. That was it. A week later, we were dating. 2 years later, we moved to France for a year abroad together. 5 years later, we were pregnant with our first child.

So it all worked out, but only just barely and not likely because of any specific flirting skills I had developed as a teen. Writing this out here, it really sounds more like dumb luck. Plus, I like sunny park benches and terriers.